I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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