Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
