to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize