my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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