even my farts smell like vagina
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
