Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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