You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
