i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
