party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
