So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
