The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
