My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
