is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
