i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
