Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
