Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
