i may or may not be watching the land before time
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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