My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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