I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
