No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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