Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
no more duck duck goose at the bar
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
