whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
