i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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