sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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