This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
