You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
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