bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
is it fun? or sober?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
