At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
vagina is talking i cant
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
