At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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