my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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