Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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