We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize