Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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