Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
