dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
