That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
