White coat. Heels.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
