I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
cat food counts as protein by the way
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
