"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
