And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
