and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
