Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
