I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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