Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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