oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
