Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize