His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
