eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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