Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
