Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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