I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
