I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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