I wish I only lived at night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
