mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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