I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
