WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
