ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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