I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
