How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
