I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
