Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize