dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
