Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
