dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
