thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
