what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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