I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
