Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
