to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
