i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
