Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
