Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
