do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
