You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think my moral compass just broke
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
