i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
