New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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