So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
