In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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