nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
