Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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