Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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