I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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