Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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