What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
