To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm at about main and main street
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize