the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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